


It Always Starts with Misery

by Darkgoddess07



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Case Fic, Family, Happy Ending, M/M, Pining Reid, Season 6/7
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 08:15:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10895343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkgoddess07/pseuds/Darkgoddess07
Summary: The team are called to a horrific serial case. In the midst of the case Reid begins to question his decision to bury his feelings for Hotch. As they get closer to the killer, Reid and Hotch come closer to a realisation.





	It Always Starts with Misery

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first criminal minds fic and I'm not sure I got the characters quite right so I hope its okay. Please comment I need help improving :)

Spencer Reid stumbled into the bullpen of the Behavioural Analysis Unit on a cold Monday morning nursing a steaming cup of coffee and a banging headache. The bull pen was loud and busy, suited figures milling between desks clutching files and coffee. It was the professional chaos that Reid had come to expect of the BAU office but he couldn’t tone it out the way he usually did, not at this ungodly hour.

The week before the team had been on a case in Louisiana that they’d all found difficult to deal with. A six-year old girl had been kidnapped from her bedroom while her parents had been in the living room below. There had been a search for the girl but it wasn’t until two weeks later they’d found her in a barn mutilated and sexually assaulted. After the second six-year old girl, Lola St Queen, was taken just days later the BAU had been brought in.

They had been there for 3 hours before Reid had figured out a connection between the two families, the two girls had been born at the same hospital and was most likely treated by the same medical staff. It had only taken Garcia seconds to find a disgraced doctor who’d been discharged for inappropriate behaviour. Then it took the team 20 minutes to drive to the Doctor’s last known address. By the time, they’d raided the house both the girl and the killer were dead. He’d heard the sirens and spooked shooting Lola and then himself in quick succession. They were still warm when they breached the house. If Reid had only connected the dots quicker then he wouldn’t have to see a family find out that they won’t be bringing their little girl home.

The plane ride back to Quantico had been awful. The heavy silence had been deafening and hadn’t let up since they’d taken off. Normally there would be discussions about the case, their plane was a safe place for them but today it was a like a small prison. One that Reid would do anything to get away from which was why he was pretending to be asleep in the corner. Curled up on the beige leather with his eyes closed just too tight to be real sleep. Someone had draped a blanket over him but even then he didn’t open his eyes.

Eventually he must have truly fallen asleep because his next moment of awareness was in the cozy interior of one of their SUVs. As he blinked open his eyes he took in that Hotch was driving and Morgan was riding shot gun beside him. Despite the change in location, the silence had been carried along with them like luggage. It made Reid want to curl up and fall back to sleep but it was proving an allusive mistress leaving him awake and uncomfortable. Hotch dropped him off at his apartment first. Spencer hadn’t slept since the plane ride home, two days before. No amount of coffee was going to keep him functional but he was willing to try.

Of his fellow teammates only JJ and Emily had made it in. JJ was perched at the edge of Prentiss’ desk, head back in laughter at something the dark-haired agent had said. Even through his exhaustion, the sight of the two agents smiling was enough to make him crack a small smile of his own. As he got closer he took in their attire and winced. Both women were in a trouser suit combo that made them look professional and put together. In contrast Reid looked like a college professor who’d been pulled through a sabbatical backwards. His normal ensemble was different in that instead of his usual waistcoat he was in an ill-fitting cardigan that swallowed him whole. He pulled as his tie bitterly trying to get it to sit straight while balancing a coffee cup in one hand. Just as he was attempting this near comical dance Prentiss looked up and spotted him.

“Morning Reid,” Emily smiled at him and waved him over. JJ offered him a smile that he reflected if only for a few seconds. He could tell that they were studying him, profiling him, even though they weren’t supposed to. But he could see why they were worried enough to attempt it. He hadn’t slept in days and it showed, the bags under his eyes making him look gaunt and pale, he was a mere shadow of himself. They also were there to witness his reaction, much similar to their own, at the sight of Lola’s tiny body lying there so still. He wanted to rattle off statics or facts but he found himself coming up with nothing more than muttered apologises and half formed thoughts, which for him was frustrating. And now they were looking at him now and seeing all of it in a single look. The swiftness of their analysis of his weakness making him feel itchy. He needed to distract them. Keep them occupied.

“Mornin’,” he muttered, shuffling from one foot to the other. “How was your weekends?” The attempt at small talk was weak but thankfully both Prentiss and JJ more than happy to speak about their days off.

JJ had had a lazy day with her two favourite boys watching superhero movies and hasd taken a rather wet and rainy trip to the zoo. The zoo trip had been a disaster because Henry apparently wanted a tiger as a pet. Prentiss had attended one of her many hobby classes and had spent her own lazy day with her man Sergio. The normalcy of their weekends washed over him and he felt a twang of loneliness that had him glancing up to the closed door of the office that often occupied his thoughts. After a moment he glanced back, brushing off the loneliness and the other feelings that closed door brought up.

Reid concentrated for a few moments more, following along with their conversation but after a while he began to drift. At first, he mentally played a game of chess but as soon as he called checkmate his mind turned to the St Queen case. He’d barely been able to think of anything else. She’d been so small and distressingly naked. What had happened to her hand been awful and Reid hadn’t been able to save her in time. It had been seconds between them breaking down the door and the shot. Seconds in which she could have been saved. Reid was so deep in his mind that he didn’t even flinch when a hand was placed on his arm.

“Spence? Hey Spence,” JJ shook him slightly trying to get his attention. Reid blinked at her for a second before he comprehended what was going on and shrank away from her touch. She let him go but he could see that she was reluctant about it. Worry was all over her face.

“I’m sorry, what did you say JJ?” He looked between the two women, trying to seem like himself. A difficult feat with so little sleep. In an attempt to wake himself up he began reciting random facts like the mating rituals of otters or the admission rate of the FBI each year. The factual nature of his thoughts calmed him and made it easier to understand what was going on around him. JJ looked between him and Prentiss before answering.

“We were just saying we should have a team dinner,” Prentiss nodded in conformation, offering him a comforting smile.

“That sounds like a good idea,” he nodded his head and tried to look interested. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go out with the team, if anything he craved it, but the thought of the future seemed far off. As if his agreement was binding, the two female agents began to discuss plans and ideas of where they should go to eat. He excused himself quietly when they began debating whether it should be an adult event or involve the younger members of their family. He had little opinion on the matter, he loved the boys to bits but he was equally happy to have an all adult event.

Making his way over to his desk, Reid stuffed his messenger bag between his long legs and settled in to his paperwork. As the noise continued around him, he sank into the calm and relaxing trance that came with reading and filling out paperwork. He stayed in his trance for half an hour before he was interrupted. 

“Hey there Pretty Boy,” Reid sighed and closed his half-filled in file with theatrical reluctance to look up at infinitely annoying and devilishly handsome Derek Morgan. The older agent was standing directly behind him meaning he had to crane his neck awkwardly to see him.

“Morning,” he muttered as he spun round on his chair. Morgan was smirking at him but it seemed off. The older agent was clearly worrying about him. He wished that they wouldn’t. Spinning back round he reached for the know closed file hoping to continue his work, only to stop when Morgan snatched it up off the desk. He turned to see Morgan waving it about over his head. Morgan studied him for a second.

“You’re out of it today kid. You alright?”

“I’m fine,” Morgan didn’t look convinced. “Really, I am,” He stressed the word and looked to Morgan with pleading eyes, begging him not to probe too much. Morgan paused and after a moment grinned. It only took Reid a few seconds to realise what that look meant. Trouble. Dashing forward Morgan took the file and bopped Reid on the head, laughing gleefully when Reid swatted at him. Reid laughed and then stopped, surprised that he could laugh. Morgan’s somehow grew wider at the sound.

Morgan had been worried about the kid since they’d left Louisiana on Friday. The boy genius had had a look in his eyes at that crime scene that Morgan hadn’t liked. And seeing him now tired, bedraggled did little to ease his mind. But for now, he’d leave the kid to wallow in hopes that he’d open up to him or at least to Rossi or Hotch in the near future. They all dealt with the job differently and he wouldn’t begrudge him for how he was dealing with his problems. Hell, Morgan’s coping mechanisms wouldn’t be considered healthy to most so he couldn’t judge. He just wanted Reid to be okay so he’d leave the kid to his own devices now. Morgan opened his mouth to start a new line of banter with his best friend, Hotch arrived in the office with Rossi and a pile of files in tow.

“We’ve got a case,” he called as he strode of in the direction of the briefing room. Spencer watched Hotch’s progress with a pained almost yearning expression. One that Morgan was unsure he was aware of. He snorted.

“Not too subtle Pretty Boy,” Reid’s eyes widened and he ducked his head to hid his blush. Judging by Morgan’s chuckle he was unsuccessful. Retrieving his messenger bag and hopefully at least some of his dignity he got up and made his way towards the briefing room. He made of show of ignoring Morgan’s laughter that followed him.

By the time he’d made it into the room his blush and Morgan’s laughter had thankfully faded. The team was already assembled and sat in compatible silence around the circular table. Garcia was at the tables head shadowed by a flat screen TV displaying the FBI logo. In a flurry of colour, she handed out the team’s tablets. She smiled when she came to Reid handing him a paper file instead. To his left Reid could hear Rossi muttering about how much of an old man he was despite being the baby of the team. He pouted slightly at that but didn’t bother retaliating out of a mixture of exhaustion and fond exasperation. Once everything was handed out Garcia called for everyone’s attention.

“Alright my pretties. We, the fabulous few, have been summoned to West Mills, Texas,” She motioned behind her with the remote. Three pictures popped up onto the screen. The first was of a young girl in her late teens early twenties. She had cropped black hair and beautiful dark skin. The camera had captured her mid-laughter, her head thrown back in mirth. The second was of a man in his mid to late forties who was holding a grinning little girl in his arms. The final photo was of a solemn looking teenage boy who was glaring at the camera, clearly unhappy to be on camera. These two as well, Spencer noted, were African American. Garcia pointed with her remote to the first photo.

“This is Alison Denver. Aged 24. Went missing from her flat three weeks ago. She wasn’t reported missing until two days later when she didn’t show up for work,” Garcia moved to the next photo, signalling that they should swipe along on their tablets. Reid turned the page. “This is Jerry Calson. Aged 46. Father of two. He went missing two weeks ago on a morning jog. His wife reported him missing within four hours of him going missing.” Once again, they all swiped to the side. “And finally, this is James Philips. Aged 17. Went missing from his parent’s home a week ago while they were out of town.”

“Why are we only been called in now?” Prentiss questioned. Garcia winced as if dreading the question.

“Because the first two have been found,” A set of pictures appeared on the screen. Spencer cocked his head to the side. The figures were laid out on the grass, side by side, which could have been seen as a sign of remorse or it would if the bodies still had their skin. There was little sign of decomposition and the flaying looked fresh but Reid wouldn’t know until they the ME’s office.

Hotch was the first to speak, his clam voice washing away the horror of the pictures.

“There is still one victim that hasn’t been found yet and we have to assume that he’s still alive,” the team all nodded solemnly. There was pause then;

“Everybody get ready. Wheels up in thirty,” Spencer stood and collected his things together, before standing to file out of the room with the rest of the team. Hotch was the last out, Garcia having vanished to her lair from the second door, bringing up the rear. Before Reid could make his way down the steps to grab his go bag, Hotch spoke his name softly. Reid looked up one leg lifted to descend as Hotch waved him towards his office.

Trepidation welled up in Reid, an irrational anxiety blossomed in his chest that Hotch was going to take him off the case or ground him. He knew the team was worried but he wasn’t going to stop working just because he couldn’t sleep, if anything he needed to work more. But he knew that Hotch would do it if he had to and that fact scared him.

Hotch gestured to the chair opposite his desk. “Take a seat.” Reid folded into the chair, his long limbs curling as he tried to appear small. The intensity of Hotch’s expression and gaze making it difficult to breath. “I just wanted to ask if you were okay,” Reid wanted to wilt away from those eyes and to push back the feelings they brought up in him. There was a lot of things to describe Spencer Reid and meek was not one of them. All morning he’d been babied and cuddled and while he appreciated their concern he was a grown man. As he thought this he straightened and raised his gaze to meet Hotch’s. Hotch could see the change instantly.

“I’m fine Hotch,” his voice was strong and steady. He didn’t waver as he tried to get Hotch to see that he was fine and able to do his job. The older agent stared at him for a moment longer before nodding in agreement.

“Okay, get your bag we’re leaving,” Reid nodded in a rush to escape those dark eyes, leaving the office in a blur of cardigan and wool. In his rush Reid missed the look in Hotch’s eyes, the peculiar mixture of pride and heat that faded away after a few seconds. Hotch filed away in his head that he would have to interrogate Reid at a later date. Hopefully he’d open up to Hotch and not clam up. As it was they were needed on the plane, so he pushed aside his worry for Spencer and reached for his go bag from under his desk. They had a killer to catch.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading


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